words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize