i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
