I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
