Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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