She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
