If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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