Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
