Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize