I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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