i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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