I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
