i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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