This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
