oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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