i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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