So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
