cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
