Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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