Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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