y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
