A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
