Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
