And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
NoShamevember. You game?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
