Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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