i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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