i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
True strength comes from lack of pants
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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