Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
