No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
