My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
