i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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