Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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