Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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