How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
