I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize