I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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