Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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