Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How external is "for external use only"?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
