why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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