i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
