....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
