I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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