Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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