So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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