I'm so fucking centered right now
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
