I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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