The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
