and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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