normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
