So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
