the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
