fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
