**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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