So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
