This is not my ceiling
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
