I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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