She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
