make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
