hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is Oprah even human
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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