I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
